If you missed my rant on twitter yesterday, here is a recap.

Yesterday as I was minding my own business, entering the complex at work, a guy comes past me, greets me very decently and asks if he can speak to me for a moment. I say, ok, fine. He tells me I’m pretty, and he sees I am not wearing a wedding ring, and do I have a boyfriend? I say no, he asks if I use MXit.

Strike one. You guys, it took all my strength not to be snide.



I say no, I do not. He asks if he can have my number then. I say ok, yes, fine, and give it to him. About 15 minutes later, this guy messages me, again telling me how pretty he thinks I am. Then he tells me: “Actually you’re quite hot and you have nice tits.”

Strike two. WHAT.



At this point I am a little taken aback by this blunt approach. I am not used to men speaking like this to me, even more so, I didn’t even know people spoke to women like this. I MET HIM 15 MINUTES AGO! Also, I was literally covered up. I have big boobs, ok, yes. That’s not the point.

Anyway, I attempt to change the subject, talking about this and that and then he throws in: “hey, tell me, are you a virgin?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

This is how I felt inside:


He repeats. I am so dumbfounded at this point. I don’t even have a response, I am so angry. Eventually I reply, and say to him how uncomfortable I am with this conversation. He tells me it’s ok if I am, and it’s ok if I’m not; it’s nothing to be ashamed of.


I tell him, it’s not relevant to this conversation and how is it any of his business? I mean, I thought people spoke about life and stuff, or at least knew each other’s surnames before they enquired about people’s virginity status.  He tells me it’s not a big deal, and I mustn’t try to pretend that life is not about sex.




I’m not naïve, or dumb when it comes to guys. Just because I haven’t had a date in 2 years, doesn’t mean I’ve forgotten about men.

So here I am, disappointed and angry that this fool is questioning me about my sexual history that is none of his business, and he is trying to defend himself, when I realise I KNOW HIM by association to someone else and GUESS WHAT he’s married. I end that conversation SO quickly, I am not about to get involved in that kind of mess. Did I mention that he’s Muslim? Is this how Muslim men speak to women they hardly know? I have never felt more disrespected EVER.

And this is one of the reasons why I am single; this is the type of man that approaches me.  I really thought he was very nice and we could have a conversation and that he wouldn’t be disappointing and gross. The first guy who shows interest in two years and THIS is what I get. Universe, I hope you’ve got something REALLY GOOD in store for me.


So the point of my story is that I am constantly disappointed by these misogynistic, terrible spellers. Read book, guy, and learn how to speak to a woman with respect. That’s all I am asking. It doesn’t matter if it’s the YOU magazine, at least you’re reading. Show a little interest, there’s a difference between being blunt and being an asshole. You can miss me on your MXit language and your queries about my sexual activities.


Call me old-fashioned, or whatever, and if you’re a girl who entertains such behaviour, that’s your thing, but my love is too magical to be thrown back into my face (Yes, I quoted For Coloured Girls).

Over and out,

The Reluctant Spinster  


3 thoughts on “

  1. Oh my gosh. What a freak. Who acts like that and seriously who in this century uses MXIT (only creeps that’s who). Double Gross. Can somebody shoot this guy in the face with a sawn off shotgun, pretty please.

  2. The point at the end is the most important. Men need to be educated. I cant help but think that there is some girl, or young woman out there, who is falling for this. HOW?! I cant speak for his being Muslim, but as a man, i get embarrassed with this behaviour and the state that the world and this country is in. Uh oh, looks im going on my own rant. Great post!

  3. oh my! story of my LIFE! Thank You so much for posting this, I finally feel vindicated for all the times I’ve been accused of having ‘high standards’ and being too ‘picky’. I refuse to lower my standards- he must be well-read and educated! (Why is that so hard to find!?). Nowadays boys (where are all the educated MEN at!?) only talk about mundane, menial things like sex and Lil’Wayne.

    You sister in spinsterhood!

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